The wall

I'm in a slump.

I've been so down the last three weeks I've only been out for two runs and two rides in that time. It's like I've hit the proverbial wall.

I used to look forward to my runs and rides but lately I have no motivation at all. I've put five pounds back on and I'm wallowing in self pity.

I keep telling myself, tomorrow's Day 1 and then I come up with excuses to not run/ride. I feel like I'm sliding back into my old ways.

It's so frustrating because I had kept up with it for 16 months. It's like a switch went off in me somewhere.

The runs themselves are getting more difficult too -- not so much physically but mentally. I used to consider anything less than 10K a waste of time and now the thought of running further than 5K seems overwhelming.

I think looking for work for the last six months is starting to take its toll. I've got an interview Monday but it would entail relocating which I'm not sure I want to do for a bunch of reasons.

I just want to get back to loving running.

Maybe I need to find some new routes and put some new music on my ipod. I think I may have negative associations with them now -- I hit the wall mentally at the same spots on my standard route.

I don't think this is my depression getting worse. I'm still getting up, getting dressed, looking for work, spending time with Paula and Claire, eating (too much lately!) and generally trying to get on with my life.

But damn that wall seems high these days.